Doris Day has died

[buttercup]

Hi everyone. I intended on contributing to this forum long ago but life got in the way and time got away.

Heartfelt thanks to everyone here who has and continues to share about Doris, particularly those who knew her personally. Bryan, you are to be congratulated on cultivating such a wonderful network of DD fans on this forum.

Like most of you, her influence (through both her artistry and her life as an individual) on own my life from early on has been nothing short of profound.

It has taken me a while to reach out... since last Monday I haven't quite had the words. Whilst her passing was obviously eventually inevitable, I am still really struggling to come to terms with it, which is surprising even to me.

I am experiencing a profound sense of loss which is honestly comparable to the loss I've experienced with people who I've been very close to. Is anyone else also feeling like this? I even feel a little ashamed to be hit so hard by it. My family and friends really cannot relate to this grief as they do not "know" Doris the way we do who are so well acquainted with her life (albeit not having met her). Without others to connect with over this I am struggling to resolve my grief.

Hoping that connecting here on this forum will enable me to move through these overwhelming feelings, as our lady has left us lots to discuss (and celebrate too).

Love and light,
B.

[Musiclover]

Just stumbled across an unusual, but nice, tribute at miamiherald.com/opinion/doris day.

[webmaster]

buttercup said» "I am experiencing a profound sense of loss which is honestly comparable to the loss I've experienced with people who I've been very close to. Is anyone else also feeling like this? I even feel a little ashamed to be hit so hard by it. My family and friends really cannot relate to this grief as they do not "know" Doris the way we do who are so well acquainted with her life (albeit not having met her). Without others to connect with over this I am struggling to resolve my grief.

Welcome to the forum, buttercup! I think most of us can relate to what you've said about your feelings of loss. I was only saying to a fellow Doris Day fan yesterday (by email) that it's not something I can't really talk to friends about. They can cope with a little - and many have sent me brief messages of commiseration - but ultimately they are not fans and have a limited interest.

I think I'm adapting to it slowly but it still feels strange. I think the fact that it was so unexpected that makes it difficult. It wasn't long after her birthday celebrations when she seemed to be fine and was having guests over to see her. No one knew she had become ill with phenomena and suddenly it was announced she had died. So that was a big shock in itself as it left so many questions.

Anyway, I'm sure others on here will have something to say so I'll leave it at that for now.
Again, welcome to the forum.

[Jas1]

Take care Buttercup and come visit often - you are in a good place here.

[RobertOClare]

Welcome Buttercup,

I've been looking at your post on my screen for some time wondering what I can say to help. First you should know that I feel exactly like you regarding the sense of loss, and there's absolutely no reason to feel ashamed about it. Throughout my adult life I have never understood the social requirement to resist crying when you are sad. No-one has ever asked me to stop laughing because I am happy. If I'm sad I'll cry. It's OK, because in the end you will feel better.

I also agree with Bryan when he says it's the suddenness of her passing that makes it that much harder to come to terms with. It seems to me it was only yesterday that I was in Carmel celebrating her birthday, and even beginning to think about next year, when the news arrived.

I try to deal with it like this. Although the sense of loss is similar to that which you might feel for a relative, it is not the same. Some of the reasons you might feel the loss of a relative are that you can't visit them or talk to them any more, you can't make plans for the future with them and you can't ask their advice when you have problems. For most of us, none of those things were possible with Doris so, in effect, we haven't lost them.

On the other hand, how many relatives can sing, act, dance and generally entertain and inspire you in the way that Doris can and always will? That is a huge positive, and one you can take great comfort from. I know I do. To watch a film or listen to some of her wonderful songs and feel your spirit lifted, how great is that? Improving the lives of people and animals, and making them happy was her great gift.

I hope you will feel less sad soon. As Jas1 says 'come visit often' - it's a great place to be.

Robert

[jmichael]

I'd like to extend a warm welcome to Robert and Buttercup. Both of you express your thoughts so well and I'm thrilled to have new people actually post on the forum. It had become too quiet with a handful of us trying to keep the ship afloat. I only regret the sad circumstances that brought you here.

I am experiencing a profound sense of loss which is honestly comparable to the loss I've experienced with people who I've been very close to. Is anyone else also feeling like this? I even feel a little ashamed to be hit so hard by it. My family and friends really cannot relate to this grief as they do not "know" Doris the way we do who are so well acquainted with her life (albeit not having met her). Without others to connect with over this I am struggling to resolve my grief.

Buttercup, your words are very profound and you are not alone in feeling this way. I understand the perplexity of reconciling deep feelings of loss for someone we only know from the movies, television and recordings.

This is a bit left field, but bear with me. I was reading an interview in The New York Times with Leonardo Dicaprio and Brad Pitt, who are promoting their new film "Once Upon A Time In Hollywood" directed by Quinten Tarantino. They both emphasized how personal the film is for Tarantino because he grew up watching the movies and was affected by them in ways that inform every film he makes to a significant degree. His experience of falling in love with movies as a child is a huge part of his DNA. Pitt says he thinks going to the movies brought Tarantino "solace and direction" as a child, something he apparently couldn't find anywhere else. This may offer a clue as to why some of us feel so connected to Doris, even though we never knew her personally. Her performances elevate us in ways that we can't put into words. We connect with them emotionally, but we don't fully understand why. You have to feel it to believe it.

I understand your embarrassment too. The "fan thing" is odd. I've always felt a bit ambivalent and sheepish about it. It can be embarrassing when friends and family give you blank stares or eye rolls when you express grief over someone you don't even know. And yet I think it's perfectly normal to feel a huge sense of loss when we lose someone like Doris, who was such a heart person. All of her performances came from her heart and we know that because she made us feel things so deeply. You can tell that from her recordings: she internalized every lyric and imbued them with meaning. Doris never relied on craft, technique or method acting to connect. She operated from a deep place of personal truth and feeling. There was no clutter or noise in the connection either. It was pure and we are forever changed because of it.

Hope to hear more from both of you in the future. Keep smiling.

Michael

[buttercup]

Thankyou so very much to each of you Bryan, Jas, Robert and Michael for your understanding and your supportive words.

Bryan - I relate to your "adapting slowly". I have been hardore crying on and off since last week, less frequently and less intensively as the days go on. Holding it in as necessary to save face, and then later privately blubbering in my unacknowledged grief.

When I read the news that day I honestly felt as though I had been punched in the guts. The best word I can think of to describe it is "heartbroken". Quite on par with other great personal losses I have experienced such as family members suddenly passing and relationships breaking up. It was blindsiding.

I agree, the fact that she had only just recently publicly celebrated her birthday and seemed so well at the time made the shock that much more painful. Each birthday she celebrated I felt reassured just knowing that she was still there. I started to believe that because she hadn't yet started showing signs of serious illness such as heart failure or stroke, etc, then she mustn't have even begun the typically anticipated trajectory of elder decline, and therefore still had time.

Sometimes life gives no warning, and that is the cruelest part. But at that delicate age anything can happen, at any time. I just have so many questions and my soul hurts.

Michael - your story about Tarantino definitely resonates. Doris' life and work has touched so many people in such deeply personal ways, seemingly in a way unlike any of her peers. Absolutely the fact that she was a heart person with a uniquely beautiful talent and a remarkable individual contributes to this effect. The solace and inspiration that people derive from her can be profoundly formative. Somehow when she left us it felt like the universe had snatched away the hope and goodness that she represented. I'm sure that sounds dramatic to those who don't "get" her and aren't really fans of Doris the person.

Realistically, we know that her legacy will live on because she has shaped culture in such a way that her mark can never be erased. We know that though she suffered, she lived a full and somewhat privileged life whilst well exceeding the life expectancy of most people.

Robert - that's so wonderful that you were able to do the pilgrimage to Carmel. It would have been such a meaningful experience. I have been planning to go for years, but circumstances have not worked in my favour. However next year actually looked promising as changes are being made in my situation that could have made it possible. I think part of the feeling of loss is that I had become hopeful of this, yet now that possibility has been extinguished. Hardly a tragedy in the scheme of things, but it does compound the emotion.

I am generally a realist about things, but this one got me in the feels. Thankyou all for listening. Just writing this has been somewhat therapeutic. I look forward to discovering so much more in this forum and hope that this community will continue.

[Peter Flapper]

Hi Buttercup, Bryan, Michael & Robert,

What a warm way to welcome Buttercup with your stories. Love the way you all speak from your heart. I hope we all will have a warm and friendly time here for a long long time...

P

[Johnny]

Welcome buttercup! The Doris Day Forum is a beautiful place to visit and become inspired.

I sincerely appreciate your comments and those of Bryan, Jas, Robert, Musiclover, Peter and Michael on the loss of our dear Doris; it is now a very different world. Loss is such a deeply personal and varied experience. I am so thankful for this Doris Day Forum that gives us all the opportunity to express these feelings.

The other day I was listening to Doris' The Love Album. Initially I felt comforted in hearing those endearing and tender tones in her voice. She started to sing Are You Lonely Tonight? and later, Oh, How I Miss you Tonight and a sweeping feeling of sadness came over me. The eleventh song on the album is called If I Had My Life To Live Over that is now both hauntingly beautiful and comforting. The lyrics are:

If I had my life to live over
I'd do the same things again
I'd still want to roam
Near the place we called home
Where my happiness would never end
I'd meet you when school days were over
And we'd walk through the lanes we once knew
If I had my life to live over
I'd still fall in love with you

Listening to Doris sing this song made me feel uplifted. Doris' spirit will live on in all of us who loved her and her legacy of songs, films and advocacy for animals is with us. I thought about the question: What would Doris say? My guess is she would say to us, celebrate and appreciate this gift of life and if you can make a donation to the Doris Day Animal League, please do. I think Doris would want us all to help make this world a kinder and happier place. I would like to think Doris has arrived home and she gets to live her life over.

[Jas1]

Doris "has" the most dreamy voice - just perfection.

I have decided to "keep her here" - and refer to Doris in the present not the past- she often did this when loved ones passed - she would say something like "Rock has the most divine sense of humour - I say "has" because i like to keep him/ them here..."

I always liked that and it is a little nod to a wonderful lady .

[howard]

Just discovered two more quotes about Doris - discovered on a Youtube video:

TED DANSON: "That was a magnificent talent."

BRADLEY WHITFORD: "I loved Doris Day."

[Musiclover]

Yesterday I was in the grocery store after finishing my shifts at the SPCA shop in Carmel. While waiting in line, the elderly gentlemen ahead of me saw the SPCA emblem on my shirt and said, "You've lost Doris." I nodded and replied that I'm sad about that; it was so sudden. He commented that he lives on the golf course that her home overlooks and that he always glanced up at her house while playing golf, hoping to get a glimpse of her, and then he asked if I had known her personally. I said no, but that I really admire all she did as an animal welfare advocate, and that she was such a class act in the other facets of her life as well. He smiled and said, "Yes, indeed." It was a short conversation, but it was very sweet of him to initiate it.

[webmaster]

Nice story, Judy. I had a reunion with some old friends last night and after people offered commiserations and asked how I was feeling, one of them said, when the wine arrived, "Let's drink a toast to Doris Day." So eight of us solemnly clicked our glasses together and said: "To Doris". It was a nice moment.

Here's a BBC tribute to Doris the singer from earlier this week:

Doris Day: Big band star
By Mark Savage I BBC Music reporter



"For all of her acclaim as an actress, Doris Day said her days as a big band singer were "the happiest times in my life".

Born Mary Ann Von Kapplehoff in Cincinnati, her stage name was even derived from a song - Helen Forrest's Day After Day. Her father was a music teacher and church organist, while her mother loved popular music - but the youngster initially aspired to become a dancer.

It was only when a car accident left her with two broken legs that the 13-year-old turned to singing. "I couldn't walk for almost three years," Day recalled. "That was the greatest thing that happened. Instead of dancing, I sang. They carried me three times a week up a stairway to my music teacher."

After winning a radio station talent contest (singing, naturally, an arrangement of Day After Day), she left home to launch a career as a dance-band vocalist, aged just 16, touring with Bob Crosby, brother to jazz superstar Bing.

While most people know her voice from clean-cut pop hits like Secret Love and the Oscar-winning Que Sera, Sera (Whatever Will Be, Will Be), Day's earlier records showcase a more sultry and inventive performer.
"Doris had a wonderful jazz vibrato voice and could have been one of the top jazz singers," said Frankie Laine, who sang a duet with Day on Sugarbush.

"Her breath control, her diction, her dynamic control are all flawless," acknowledged Voice Council magazine in 2016. "She had a masterful command of the different colours in her voice. She could sing light or strong in any part of her range."

"Make no mistake, she could sing," agreed Steve Leggett on Allmusic.com, "and she came from the first generation of singers to truly understand the nuance of singing on studio microphones, which gives her vocals depth, clarity, and an uncommon presence."

Here is a completely non-definitive list of 5 standout Doris Day songs:
Read more and listen to the 5 songs: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-48255755

You'd probably choose 5 different songs as your own expert on her recording? I would too.

[Johnny]

Thank you Musiclover for your sweet story. They are moments that stay with us.

Bryan, I really appreciate the Mark Savage column. Thank you.

Doris used her silken voice to serve the song and tell a story. There were no histrionics or showing off.

Many of today's singers focus more on the vocals than the story in the song. Many of their songs are about the beats and are forgotten quickly. Will they remembered fifty years from now like Doris' songs Sentimental Journey and Secret Love?

[Musiclover]

What a nice moment to drink a toast to Doris with your friends, Bryan. Glad you got to do that. And thanks for the link to that BBC story. What recordings of hers would be on your Top 5 list? I'm very partial to these: Blues in the Night, Fools Rush In, I Have Dreamed, Love is Here to Stay, and Since I Fell for You -- but if it was a Top 6, I'd include Nothing in the World as well. Just superb interpretation on all of them.

[Jas1]

I think Doris' "Since I fell for You" is outstanding.

[howard]

"How Insensitive" is a big favorite of mine. DD sings it with great feeling.

[Peter Flapper]

Hi all,

Since I Fell For You... and Love Him…

P

[webmaster]

I came across these posts about Doris' departure on a forum, it was strangely comforting.
The second page has lots of film and music clips:

Doris Day, RIP
Discussion in 'Music Corner' started by BradOlson, May 13, 2019.
https://forums.stevehoffman.tv/threads/ ... ip.839455/

[howard]

Thanks for that link, Bryan. I enjoyed reading those comments although, I must say, some of them brought me close to tears.

[Peter Flapper]

Hi all,

Loved those comments above in the article. Came across this Jackie Joseph tribute in the Tolucan Times:
https://tolucantimes.info/inside-this-i ... rettyPhoto

P

[howard]

What a lovely tribute. Thanks for posting it!

[doris-day-fan]

Happy Saturday everyone. Sorry I haven't been on much lately - had hip surgery on May 20th and home now for 10 days...healing well and virtually NO pain! Prayers are being answered.
I am checking with Keith at www.mybnr.com about a rebroadcast of our DORIS DAY TRIBUTE which featured some wonderful and loving comments from Jackie Joseph, Les Brown, Jr., Earl Holliman, Connie Francis, Dick Carlson, Billy Gray, Brenda Lee and others....it is still so hard to believe our dear Doris has left the stage, but she is in a much better place now and for that we can all be most thankful. Doris touched so many lives and we are all better for her influence in our lives. Will let you know when I learn more.
I love the caption on the banner - "The smile that lit up the world" how true.

[Musiclover]

Once a year the Carmel Art Festival is held, an event at which artists in all mediums can display their work. This year the festival occurred just 4 days after Doris's passing. One of the artists was Steven Whyte, who 2 years ago did a life-sized clay image that depicts Doris as Calamity Jane. You can see a photo of it if you search for "Life sized Doris Day sculpture on display in Carmel image." There is also a story under the same title at KSBW.com.

Also in Carmel is a weekly column in the local newspaper, The Pine Cone, by a talented writer and very nice man by the name of Jerry Gervase. In yesterday's column he wrote briefly about Doris's role in Love Me or Leave Me, his favorite DD film. He ended it this way: "She lived a significant life and will be mourned by all creatures great and small." I love that statement.

[webmaster]

I can't access the article as it's 'not available from my region'.

Judy, all you have to do it copy the link from the browser address above the page you want to share - for example, the link/address above for here is:
https://www.dorisday.net/forum/viewtopi ... 483#p66483